- 2/21/2000: My farts are staying inside of me.
- 2/23/2000: I have my pot in my little sequenced bag.
- 2/24/2000: That’s what my goal is in life….to be a Bazooka Joe comic writer.
- 2/24/2000: Come on you guys, three heads are better than one!
- 2/28/2000: I got my earrings…they’re on my ears.” (said to no one in particular and for no apparent reason)
- 3/1/2000: You can’t answer the phone if you’re on the phone. So there!
- 3/2/2000: Did he say our intestines are 350 feet long?!?!? No wonder it takes my poop so long to come out!
- 3/8/2000: I’m a thinker.
- 3/28/2000: No, I’m talking about your breastesses, they’re large.
- 3/29/2000: If I could weigh 150 pounds I’d be happy. Probably wouldn’t fart as much, either.
- 3/30/2000: Hmmm…sometimes I just wonder what I mean…
- 4/13/2000: Mariah Carey is a beotch. I’m glad she got sick on oysters!
- 4/13/2000: Let’s see…..windows batmip… unknown: You’re always a priority, Wendy.
- 4/19/2000: It’s brainy ‘cuz it’s in your head.
- 5/1/2000: I hope we learn the neck strokes tonight instead of rolfing, ‘cuz I realy need one bad. Belch.
- 5/11/2000: I’m so glad I’m me.
- 5/15/2000: EXCUSE ME! Whoa…that was like a suck in burp instead of an out one…have you ever done that??
- 6/21/2000: I mean, it’s one thing to be ugly physically, but she’s ugly inside…
- 6/22/2000: I don’t know…it looked like the same brand as the other bird…
- 6/22/2000: My friend Nancy, her mother -she’s Catty Haynes -she used to make this thing called ‘Salmon Pea Wiggle’.
- 6/22/2000: You know how egg noodles are all wiggly? That’s where the wiggle comes from.
- 6/23/2000: He must buy his pants at an extra special place.
- 6/26/2000: Yeah, but wouldn’t it be easier to just ask Kirsten?
- 6/27/2000: OUCH! A pepper just went up my nose!!
- 6/28/2000: Now that they’ve laid off some folks, maybe this phone list will go down to six pages! unknown: You need to go find someone who speaks English & have them call us.
- 7/3/2000: It doesn’t look very functional, but it’s really cute.
- 8/29/2000: SPAM, it’s just full of salt and grossness.
- 9/8/2000: (Camping in Fort Bragg, playing ‘Gestures’…) “I’m a cowboy!!”
- 10/12/2000: Remember how I got a new bowling ball last year? It works like CRAP! I need to start using the house balls again.
- unknown: It works better if you stop talking and listen to me.
- 2/16/2001: I don’t think it’ll be a high priority for them to come check that checky thing we just checked. unknown: I swear, on my last day here, I’m gonna kick her right in the vagina!
- 6/19/2003: He was one of those really smart Indians, not one of the smelly ones.
- 4/2009: It worked great until it shit the bed.
- Kathy: Every time I smell a skunk I think of Jill.
- Mary C.: Naked texting should be illegal.
- Cha’Quitta: Good sex doesn’t make you pregnant!
- Monica: Mary’s vagina has a halo. I’m just sayin’.
- Megan O.: (Re: Smithwicks) It smells like piss, but it tastes okay.
- Cha’Quitta: (while eating shot blocks towards the end of a (too) long ride) These taste like shit when all you want is chicken!
- Tracy B.: Pancho needs a nipple.
- Cha’Quitta: My boob is dry now!
- Mary C.: It’s three o’clock in the afternoon and I am messed up!
- Cha’Quitta: See? She’s been holding her snorts for a while!
- Cha’Quitta: Because you went to get more slippery nipples, but you forgot!
- Mary C.: Are we drinking or are we talking?!?
- Mary C.: Says the woman who can’t keep her fruit on a fork.
- Mary C.: I had to hose CheeQee off.
- Mary C.: Now you’re calling me a fat idiot! (To which Cha’Quitta replied: No one is calling you ‘fat’.)
- Cha’Quitta: I can put your phone in my breasts without hacking into it.
- Cha’Quitta: I’ve never been stuck in a boot before.
- Jill: Someone’s turd went to the right.
- Jill: (via text) Hey, I infected you today and I got nothing.
- Jill: If you aren’t juicing then you need to be eating some more beets.
- Jill: I bet Thumper would eat a dirty old carrot!
- Jill: When can we go golfowling?
- Jill: Stop! You need your mouth only on this straw right now!
- Jill: We need some depends. Big time!
- Terri: Oh. I just saw the peanut butter. I didn’t see the nut cluster!
- Terri: HOLD ON TO YOUR NUT CLUSTERS!!!
- Justin (via Cha’Quitta): Hmmm…smells like a little bit of ass.
- Mary C.: I am hot enough to pop popcorn.
- Traci B.: Plumbing hurts.
- Terri: I don’t want to be sticky.
- Kirsten: I have such a headache that I keep wanting to look at myself and see if my eyes have gone all Marty Feldman.
FEEDBACK FOR ME